My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
