Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
