dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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