Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
i've created a new STD.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
