Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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