are you still at the devil's house?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize