I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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