Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
