Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
