How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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