How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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