So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
