he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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