high people should be assigned attendants
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
