If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
