Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
