you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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