Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize