Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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