You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
