and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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