I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
