Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
