remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
