his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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