i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
