At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
