Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
