Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
