I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
