the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
