I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
