things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
