I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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