I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
