I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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