Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize