Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
