Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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