My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
