Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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