On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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