She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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