Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
