I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
