...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
