a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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