So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
