If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
