My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize