i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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