i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
