im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
