I wish I could teleport
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
whose ass print is on the piano?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
