I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
