STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
