i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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