I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i came on her dog
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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