My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
it's like iHOP with fire
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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