Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
