I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
