my soul wont recognize me after tonight
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
