Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
They have beer where we have blood.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
