is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
