I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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