he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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