It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
